The Cat’s in the Korea

fam bye  Our daughter, Catherine left yesterday for her year in South Korea.  The airport send off was sad but quick, and we each react differently to ‘good byes’.

t floorshow

We were following Catherine’s flight to South Korea on the computer, but after awhile, it looked like the Flight Tracker was stuck in the same place.  I am not one to worry much, but I’d be lying if I said that the idea of a plane crash didn’t cross my mind.

I drove to pick Elisabeth up at work, and mentioned that the Flight tracker hadn’t moved for awhile and Elisa looked at her phone and gasped a little.  I asked her what she had found, and she laughed as she explained that she had just Googled it and found an article titled ‘Delta 747 jet destroyed by hail during flight to Seoul’, but that the article was from last summer (though it was Cat’s exact flight — DL 159 from Detroit to Seoul — and as a note, even that hailstorm didn’t cause the plane to crash) .

Once we got home, I checked again and the Flight Tracker had advanced and showed that Cat’s plane was flying over Russia.  And nothing personal, Mr. Putin, but I’d be lying if I said that put my mind at ease very much.

But Catherine landed in Inchon airport, texted us that she had made some Finnish and Taiwanese friends and was doing great, and ready to start her life 14 hours ahead of us.

Cat and t  girls w T2

Catherine, we’re excited for you and we love you very much, or as we would write in Korean…

우리는 너를 사랑해

(which is pronounced exactly as it looks — ‘ ulineun neoleul salanghae’)

Grateful,

The Lee’s

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Ninja in a Tutu

T with helmet  Recently, Timothy has been trying things on – baseball caps, safety helmets, winter stocking caps — even ballet tutu’s.  And since he’s been trying some new things, I’ll try writing a blog entry with a combination of lessons and bedtime stories.

Shoulders2    Shoulders    standing3

First, some lessons…

In the past I have mentioned that Timothy has a tendency of slamming doors.  The good news is that he’s being much gentler closing doors these days, but he enjoys opening doors as well, which can be a mixed blessing.

Speaking of doors, many older homes have a door or two whose lock doesn’t work well.  In our house, it’s the door of the bathroom on the first floor whose lock has a tendency to get stuck.  The bathroom is located in what could be referred to as a ‘high traffic’ and ‘visible’ area.

tutu9   tutu11    tutu12

For the record, in 13 years, only one person (possibly me, but I won’t confirm) has ever really gotten locked in the bathroom and had to exit by climbing out of the first floor window — which is when we finally got a key to open the lock.

Bottom line, if you’re a guest in our house, you can either lock the bathroom door and hope it doesn’t stick, or leave the door unlocked and hope that Timothy doesn’t fling open the bathroom door (see above Timothy’s recent interest in opening doors and also the ‘high traffic’ location of the bathroom).

The lesson is that, if you’re a guest in our house, you’d better have a sense of adventure if you’re going to use the bathroom on the main floor.

T in owl cap2   T in owl cap4

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We’re seasoned parents, and so we always bring a back up outfit for Timothy when we go out, in case of an emergency.

Last week, our family visited the awesome staff at Voyageur Outward Bound’s Homeplace location (in Ely, MN).  It was raining when we arrived, and Timothy wasted no time in finding puddles to jump into and sit in.  Extra outfit?   Got it.

But this weekend, Timothy had an upset stomach, and we were out with him, and his stomach started making some gurgling sounds.  Before we knew it, he was throwing up, and it soaked my shirt, pants and my shoes (possibly known as ‘the trifecta’ in the barf business).  The vomit was everywhere.  Or actually I should say everywhere except on him.  Somehow, the king of the colon covered all of the people and surfaces around him but didn’t get anything on himself.  He felt fine after a good night’s sleep, and our lesson is that while we’ll always bring extra clothes for T, in the future we’ll remember to bring an extra outfit for us, too.

T swing.5  T swing.7  T reading

In the past few weeks, after dinner, our family has sometimes played a game of ‘Duck Duck Grey Duck’ (or ‘Duck Duck Goose’ for those unfortunate souls living outside Minnesota).  We normally play it outside, but after dinner recently, Timothy requested an indoor game of DDGD.  So we circled up in our small living room.

T was ‘it’ first, and said his version of the word ‘Duck’ and tapped Laura on the head, and then walked around the outside of the circle and said ‘Duck’ and tapped me, and then continued walking and tapped Catherine and made a noise that was clear that she was indeed the ‘grey duck’.

Catherine got up, but before she could begin the chase, Timothy ran a little wide and veered into our big stereo cabinet.

The boy-meets-cabinet impact resulted in a small ‘thud’ sound, but our little energizer bunny popped right back up and continued the quest to outrun his sister around the circle and sat down in her vacated spot.

The lesson is that if we decide to play the inside version of Duck Duck Grey Duck, we’ll give ourselves a little extra room.  And we’ll stay a long ways away from that big stereo cabinet.

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seat2  hose

And a pair of bedtime stories…

One night, I was reading to Timothy at bedtime.  As usual, once he had gone to sleep, I snuck out of his bedroom and sat at the dining room table in the next room.

Suddenly, I heard the sound of his bedroom door opening, and I looked up to see Timothy walking toward our room.  As I stood up to investigate, he started running, and by the time I reached the hallway, he was quickly scaling up the side of our tall bed.  It was impressive — he looked like a combination of ‘The Fugitive’ and ‘American Ninja Warrior’.

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in rain  crabby

On another evening, I was lying in T’s bed with him, reading some bedtime books when Laura popped her head in to check on us.

Timothy noticed Laura and exclaimed ‘Baba’ (mom) and then, as if I was an outgoing contestant on the ‘Bachelor’, he turned and politely smiled at me, and gave me a few kisses on the cheek.

I asked if I was expected to leave, to which he quickly replied ‘yesssss’.

Moments after having been unceremoniously ushered out of his room, I was standing in the dining room, when Timothy ran out of his bedroom and came up to me.  I braced for an invitation back into his room, but I was caught a little off guard when he said, ‘Dada’ and made the sign for ‘water’ — as in ‘hey, sorry that the reading thing didn’t work out for you tonight, but please make yourself useful and get me a cold one’.

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a family2  fam selfie 3

The world can be a scary place at the moment, and I have talked with many people who are losing hope about where we are going as a country and as a world.  But I disagree.  I see many, many challenges before us, but I also see many, many signs of hope, from the young adults I work with at Voyageur Outward Bound to the great organizations and schools we partner with, to the impressive young people who we serve.  They give me real hope.

And I see many reasons to hope when I talk with our two daughters. In the next ten days, both Elisabeth and Catherine will be leaving home to spend the next nine months overseas — Elisa in France and Cat to blend in with the other Lee’s in South Korea (she’s been given two different host families, both named Lee).  We’re so proud of them both for jumping into a new experience, and for helping to shrink the world a little by meeting new people and understanding other cultures and languages.

We’re praying for their safety and are confident that this will be a year of great growth, friendship and learning (probably for all of us).  But we will miss them both tremendously, and their little brother Timothy is going to miss them a ton.

We love you both, Elisabeth and Catherine!

Always grateful and hopeful,

The Lee’s

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One Word — TRexit

T in wagon2 The British vote a few weeks ago to separate from the European Union, or ‘Brexit’, was as perplexing to us as it was to our friends and relatives from the UK and Europe.  It was shocking.

In other news, Timothy has a strong will and a lot of energy, and these can be an exciting cocktail of forces.  He will sometimes do something contrary or run decisively in the opposite direction.

Until now, I haven’t been able to explain it, but the British vote has finally given me a language for the rash ‘exits’ for our little TRBL (Timothy Robert Brandon Lee) – ‘TRexit’.

mirror3  mirror5

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museum8  museum3

I said in the prior blog post that I was out of Timothy’s inner circle.  But as noted in the above ‘TRexit’ comment, his tastes change frequently.  So if you’re out of the circle, you always have a chance of being invited back in.  Oh, but also vice versa.

More recently, I’ve seen a resurgence in my prospects with Timothy and so at bedtime last night, I offered to read to him and he said, ‘No.  Baba.’ (meaning ‘sorry pal, you’re still out, mom’s in’).  I handed him his water and he was somehow able to start drinking his water with his left hand while he used his right hand to gently grab my elbow and guide me toward the door.  That’s talent.

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boo2  boo3

Faced with a bunch of old family chairs and a sofa sitting in storage 600 miles away, most people wouldn’t think twice about calling a mover to have the furniture transported to its new home.

But not us.

Given that summer has been busy and our girls are both getting ready to spend a year overseas, we decided that a little ‘forced family time’ was in order.

engineers6 engineers5

And so we piled into the Honda CRV and drove down to Indianapolis – note: small detail, but that car feels like a tiny Matchbox car when it’s packed for 12 hours of driving with 4 adults and a redhead in his car seat.  Then we put the furniture in a rental truck and drove it all back up to Minnesota.

We love car trips and had a lot of fun and visited a few friends and family, but even for us, 1,200 miles of driving in 72 hours was a lot, and at times it was a wee bit too much family time.  But I’ll take a risk of erring on that side of the equation.

a swimmer14  a sun3

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This morning, after Timothy finished his morning swim in the hotel pool, I carried him into the bathtub in our room to shower him off.

a swimmer10  a swimmer5

Maybe he didn’t like the small enclosed space, and maybe he didn’t want to get washed.

Or maybe he wanted to do a little science experiment on how quickly a standing object can be put into motion.

As I stood in the bathtub, holding him with one hand and used the other hand to start putting shampoo in his hair, the little gremlin put both feet on the shower wall, and, like a swimmer doing a turn, he quickly pushed off, propelling us both away from the shower.

Had I not been lucky enough to tighten my grasp on the soapy boy and cling to the flimsy shower curtain for dear life, I would certainly have been thrown toward the nearby toilet and I’m not sure where TRBL would have landed.

Laura quickly arrived on the scene to find us giggling amidst a shower rod pulled from the wall, a shower curtain lying on the floor, and water running all over the place.

I have one word for that — ‘TRexit’.

Grateful, if not always so graceful,

The Lee’s

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Kim Jong TRBL

Lee family pic2     Lee family pic3

Our second oldest daughter, Catherine, will be spending next year studying in Korea (which reminds me that I need to confirm which side of the Mason Dixon Line she’ll be on, but I’m pretty sure that she’ll be in South Korea).  Perhaps jumping on the Korean bandwagon, Timothy is taking a page from the North Korean supreme leader, Kim Jong Un.

T in tank top

In between the reports of North Korea’s nuclear tests, you hear stories of power plays in the North Korean government, in which government officials once in favor with the leader suddenly disappear or become persona non grata.  This lack of subtlety seems to suit young TRBL.

T in chair4   plane

For a long time, Timothy was focused more on me (his dad), and was not always as generous to others in our household.

While I soaked up the attention, I also counseled the boy that this was not a wise choice, since his mother is a great person and spends a whole lot more time tolerating his shenanigans than I do, and so he’d better be nicer to her.

Laura was far more patient with his crabby treatment than I would have been, possibly sensing that her time was coming.

And now it’s here.

In a move that would make the North Korean supreme leader proud, TRBL is pushing me out in order to elevate his mom and his sisters.

If I am in his room at bedtime, he’ll now point to me and then point to the door, in an effort to communicate that only those in the inner circle get to read to the big cheese.

I can deal with this status change for now, but I’m going to get nervous if Timothy starts airbrushing me out of family photos.

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Selfie at Swedish Am    T w teachers

Our family is displaying good versatility these days.

On a recent Saturday, we attended Timothy’s toddler music class, a 5 year old’s birthday party, went to Catherine’s senior prom pictures and then Laura and I attended the English Beat concert.

When a good friend offered me a beer at his daughter’s high school graduation party last weekend, I politely declined, explaining ‘Martin, while you’ll be going to more grad parties this afternoon, I’ll be on my way to a 3 year old’s bubble-themed birthday party.’

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T reach2  T in car2

The old saying goes that ‘Silence is Golden’, but I would dispute that when it comes to a four year old boy.

Timothy was playing in his room, and as is often the case, his door was closed and I could hear him playing loudly with books, toy cars and stuffed animals.

But then suddenly I didn’t hear anything.

After a few minutes of blissful peace and quiet, I decided to make sure he was okay.  As I walked toward his room, I noticed something white on the floor of the bathroom, and I realized that Timothy must have found the box of Arm and Hammer baking soda – used to help his skin during baths  – and that he might be using his new found toy in his room.

I quickly opened his door and was confronted with a winter wonderland.  Our little performance artist had decorated his room in baking soda, with white piles of powder everywhere from his bed to his carpet to his stuffed animals.  A parenting expert might have counseled me to ‘enjoy it and be present in the moment’ and ‘join my child in play’. But I just got crabby and quickly cleaned it up, although I was glad that our redheaded Rembrandt’s medium was baking soda and not oil colors.

T chalk   T chalk 2

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On this warm Father’s Day, I’m very grateful for my Dad.

I’ve written before about how my Dad has and continues to influence me, with his wisdom, hard work, career success, focus on ethics and his strong faith.

But I think most today about just what a good person he is.

He has helped so many people and been there for family and friends in need.

He maintains his old friendships, but no one makes new friends more easily than my Dad.  The first time he meets people, he’ll spend a half hour asking them all about themselves, and he shows such a genuine interest in each person that a friend of his jokes, ‘everyone thinks that they’re Tom Lee’s best friend’.

In a world where technology can give us more ‘connections’ than ever but less real personal interactions, my Dad is old school.

He wants to look you in the eye and get to know you.

No wonder people love him so much.

 

Happy Father’s Day, Dad.

I love you.

Jack

Posted in Parenting lessons -- Don't try this at home | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Al Pacino’s got nothing on TRBL

T w shower cap  Early one evening last week, we were lying down with Timothy in his bed.  Laura was reading to him, and I saw my window of opportunity and snuck out of his room.  I got into the hall and sat down at the dining room table, shocked at the ease of my escape.  Just then T burst into the hall, with his head on a swivel, searching like a shepherd looking for a lost baby lamb.  But actually, no, the look on his face was more like a waiter hunting down a customer who’s just stiffed him on a bill.

And so back to the flock did I go.

T covering face     T walk 2

Speaking of escapes, one of the best lines of a bad Godfather movie comes from Al Pacino when he said “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in…”

That phrase sums up us lying down with Timothy in the middle of the night.

He made the transition from crib to bed a few months ago, and fortunately he has been sleeping through the night more often, which is appreciated.

But on the occasional night that he wakes up in the middle of the night, he walks over to our bedroom, in which case one of us returns the baby bird to his nest and lies down with him.  Generally the ‘lie down’ just takes a few minutes until he falls back asleep.  But Timothy has a wonderful sense of timing.  At the very moment that I believe that he’s asleep and I’m preparing to return to my own bed, Timothy often swings an arm over me to block my exit.

And bam, just like Michael Corleone, I was thinking I was out, but the not so sleepy redhead decided I wasn’t going anywhere.

T outside w a drink      T w St Fr

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Timothy continues to work on speaking.  Recently, he’s been making many new sounds and working to communicate — with signs and with his talking board — but he still isn’t saying many words.  A doctor asked us if we’re pleased with his progress, and I told him it’s hard to judge progress without more context.

I explained that Timothy’s speech challenges are like being in a tunnel.

We know that Timothy has made a mile’s worth of progress in the past year, which is encouraging, but we don’t know how long the tunnel is.  It could be a 2 mile long tunnel and he’s on the verge of speaking, but it could be a 20 mile long tunnel and we’re still in for a long ride.

It’s also hard to know what progress looks like.  My view has been that ‘progress’ is simple — speaking words (partly because it seemed to come so easily to our older girls) but we’ve realized that for Timothy there can be many signs of progress before he’s saying words.

Which is why we try to keep the ‘courage and patience’ motto in front of us.

The ‘Patience’ to stay calm, to realize that there’s much we can’t control.

And the ‘Courage’ to keep the faith, to keep working hard on the many many things that we and our wee shepherd can control.

T at chalkboard2  T at chalkboard4  T at chalkboard3  T at chalkboard

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After four years of baths, one day Timothy was in the tub and reached for the soap dish, with a look on his face like ‘Hey, when did you put this thing in?’

When I helped him exit the bath, I noticed that a bar of soap was still floating in the bath water.  Then I realized that our formerly rinsed young boy was covered in soap film.

And so back into the bath did TRBL go.

aDance 26  aDance 2 .4  aDance 3.4  aDance 2

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We were saddened by the sudden passing of the musician Prince.  He seems like a good guy and was a musical genius.  After Prince’s death, people talked about the legendary dance parties at his home, Paisley Park (which was news to me because probably as a result of a computer error, I never got an invite).

Well, we certainly would not compare T to Prince, but Timothy also hosts legendary, impromptu family dance parties (and I AM invited to those, sometimes).

T dance4  T dance2 aT dance19 aT dance16 Similar to Prince, Timothy insists on a strict ‘no cell phone or flash photography’ policy and so these moments are rarely caught on film.

Capturing T dancing is like trying to photograph a rare bird.  Once dancing Timothy notices someone taking pictures, he stops and takes a run at the Paparazzi.

While I don’t know what the Paisley Park dance parties were like, they couldn’t have been much better than the swinging times we have at TRBL Town.

Because just when you think you’re out, our little Godfather will pull you back in.

Grateful,

The Lee’s

Posted in Communication, Sleep | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments

Tell Picasso to stop licking the dog

T cooking27  T cooking9

Timothy did some cooking last week, making both pizza and chocolate chip cookies.  He had fun and at times was a little bossy pants — he may look like the Pillsbury Dough Boy, but he directs the troops like General Mills (read later in the blog about the general’s pointer finger).

T cooking5  T cooking11 T cooking24

T pizza 7  T pizza5  T pizza2

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When Timothy had his ear tube and adenoids surgery last month, they also did one other little procedure (I think they had a ‘buy two, get one free’ deal at Children’s Hospital), which was to clip the frenulum (the piece of skin which anchors the tongue to the bottom of the mouth).  Timothy has never had full range with his tongue and the tongue is an important part of being able to pronounce certain sounds.  We knew that it was unlikely to have a big impact, but it might help and after talking with doctors, we saw no downside to doing it.  A month later, the liberated tongue is enabling him to make some more sounds, but that same tongue is also having a coming of age party.

T at Bas  He’s suddenly licking a lot of things (chairs, toys, his cousin, etc), and while Timothy’s kisses have always been a little on the wet side, the tongue is now a full partner in his smooches.  We’ll need to curb that new instinct, especially when we get a dog.

T cooking26   T cooking7

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I was down in Houston, Texas this week and got a chance to visit with people from two great organizations.  Christina Yaya and some folks are working hard to raise $100,000 to start a GiGi’s Playhouse down in Houston (www.gigisplayhouse.org/houston) to support families with kids with Down syndrome.  I can tell you that as much love and humor and joy as you read about in these blog posts about Timothy, having a child with Down syndrome is a challenge and most families need help.  GiGi’s provides needed services and support for these families.  Timothy goes to a local chapter here for Special Olympics.  It’d be a great help for the families in Houston to get a GiGi’s as well.

And Yes Prep schools in Houston (www.yesprep.org) are serving 10,000 students with a revolutionary model to get low income kids into college.  I met with Lynda Daniel and some of her opportunity coordinators and they are doing great work and are so committed to these kids.  Really impressive and important work.

These are much needed organizations, so please keep them in mind to support.

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T painting  T painting 2

Timothy was doing some painting recently, and while he painted a colorful tableau, it wasn’t easy to tell when he was done with the picture.  That is, until Timothy reared back and gave himself a big round of applause.  That’s when I knew that Picasso was ready for his next canvas.

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T clapping

It has long been debated which finger on the human hand is the most important.

Don’t even ask me about the pinky, which, kinda like ‘Pluto’ is for the planets, is lucky to be counted as a finger.  While the fourth finger showed early promise, it’s never moved beyond being a place to put a ring on.  Angry people would tell you that the middle finger is the best for communicating a clear message, while optimistic people would say that nothing beats a thumbs up for a show of support.

But every day Timothy shows us that the second finger is the MVP of the hand.  And not even because of that foam finger ‘we’re number one’ stuff.

TRBL extends his pointer finger to let us know that he needs ‘one more’ cracker or sausage (though truth be told, more often it’s two or three more that he’s looking for).  He also uses the pointer to direct me to leave the room or to tell me where to  have a seat until he’s ready to see me.

T cooking and pointing          T w7 ith animals 7

But more than anything else, the second finger enables Timothy to regularly ‘shush’ people.  At school, in music class, at home, at bedtime (‘shhhh  dada  shhhh’), T knows that no words can better capture people’s attention and shut them up like a well placed ‘shhhhh’.

I know, I know, we should get him to stop shushing people, but we’ve first got to get the tongue thing under control so that Picasso isn’t licking the dog.

Never more Grateful,

The Lee’s

Posted in Communication, Down syndrome | Tagged , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Sleep and Rock- Paper- Scissors

T shirt cool    For the fifth year in a row, Catherine gathered friends and jumped in the waters of Lake Calhoun recently in the Special Olympics’ Polar Plunge.  This year’s team consisted of 25 juniors and seniors from Edina high school in their teal colored Team TRBL shirts.  Afterward, the group did the traditional pizza party at Davanni’s, where Timothy stood on a chair and made several attempts to quiet the crowd with his trademark ‘shhhhhhh’, and then ended his visit with a group hug and a kiss for each plunger.

Thank you to everyone who jumped in the lake or donated to support Special Olympics!

Polar best group 100  Polar best group 103Polar best group 104                      Plunge91

Timothy has ear tubes (which help reduce fluid build up and ear infections, which can affect a child’s hearing), but those tubes have been in place for over a year and were not working properly, as evidenced by his recent hearing test that showed that he was experiencing mild to moderate hearing loss.  Since hearing is an important part of speech development — it’s hard to learn new sounds if you don’t hear them clearly — those ear tubes needed to be replaced.

It was also recommended that he also get his adenoids removed.

T at hospital  T at hospital2

And so we spent last Friday at Children’s Hospital in Minneapolis for these procedures.

As always, the staff at our home away from home were excellent.

Everything went smoothly thanks to Timothy’s great ear, nose and throat doctor, Dr Tibesar.  I’ve mentioned him before in the blog because he has a family just like ours — his oldest is 20 and his youngest is around Timothy’s age — except that Dr Tibesar has 6 more middle kids than we do.

mirror2  Sleddingm

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Speaking of kids, our older girls, Elisabeth and Catherine, are both preparing to go overseas next year – Elisabeth to spend her junior year in college in France and Catherine to do a gap year on a 10 month Rotary exchange in Korea (I’m pretty sure it’s South Korea but we should double check).

It’s exciting to help them prepare for their adventures, and while it will be odd to have a full school year without seeing either of our great girls, we’ll look forward to visiting them both next Spring (especially that 16 hour flight over to Seoul with Timothy).

And so new languages are the priority in our family right now.  As Timothy works on speaking, Elisabeth is at school beefing up her French skills and Catherine is trying to learn Korean (as Cat said, ‘I’ve had 7 years of French, but now I have 7 months to learn Korean’).  Catherine’s enthusiasm for her new language led her to add Korean as a language on my phone, which was funny until I needed to send an urgent text but found myself face to face with a phone keyboard full of Korean characters.

sleep3

Most people are familiar with the concept of ‘dog years’, where one year for a dog is the equivalent of 7 years for a person.  In these parts, where Timothy is no longer restrained at night by the confines of a crib, we have what are called ‘Timothy hours’, which is the real world translation of the sleep you get when lying in the bed of our whirling dervish.

T w hat    sleep2

This is because Timothy often sleeps through the night in his own bed – an occurrence which we used to call ‘normal’ and which we now refer to as ‘heaven’.  But sometimes, T gets up in the middle of the night and makes the 12 foot trek to our bedroom, in which case Laura and I do a quick rock-paper-scissors to see who’s going to return him to his rightful bed.  Once back in his room I’ll lay down with him in his bed for a few minutes until he goes back to sleep, though sometimes a few minutes turns into a few hours.  And the sleep that I get in T’s small, not so supported bed is less than real sleep.  I would put the conversion rate of a ‘Timothy hours’ generously at 50%, meaning an hour in his bed is like 30 minutes in our own bed.  And it’s worse if that’s your second night in a row.

We need to get Timothy to stay in his bed more, or maybe I just need to get better at beating Laura in rock-paper-scissors.

Grateful,

The Lee’s

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